I recently had a friend hurting as his marriage was falling apart. I know that divorce is always 2 sided and all parties are at fault. But this situation was a new twist.
It seems his wife had a “crush” on one of their church leaders. She became infatuated by him. All that he taught, she followed on the edge of her seat. How he managed his household, was her new standard for her husband. Any new ministry he started, she was right there ready to serve with the team.
He seemed unaware of this “crush”. He kept his standards, in that he never met alone with her if he could help it. He would be with his wife or kids or another church member. But she was so zoomed in on him that she was losing her focus.
Her husband tried to hold her back but it became a fight over whether she should be in ministry. It became another vice in their “imperfect” marriage for her.
He confronted the leader, who denied anything. And maybe he was just that ignorant to her “crush”. Maybe it was one-sided. But can you not see the signs and try to avoid them?
It ended up before the elder board of the church because the leader would not admit any fault at all.
I know that women in rough marriages seek counsel from pastors. They often desire a godly man like that pastor. Most pastors have that one women in their church that has no sense of boundaries. She pops in on him in the office for counsel in this or that situation at home. He has to keep his door open and his secretary near. But these women are vulnerable and blinded by their pain. Leaders must be careful. How many pastors have fallen into sin because of that vulnerable woman making advances at him? How many pastors and their wives have marriage issues because of that lady in the church that spends too much time with the pastor?
Beware of the pitfalls. Women, watch out. You are hurting but the last thing in your mind is to hurt that pastor and harm his ministry.
I am reminded of this passage in Scripture. I’m sure it may not apply 100% to every situation, but there is truth in it. 2 Tim 3:6-7 For of these are they that creep into houses, and take captive silly women laden with sins, led away by divers lusts, ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.