I struggle in my passport culture, because I’ve lived elsewhere so long. I struggle in my host culture, because I have many customs of my passport culture. I struggle in my family, because I miss them yet don’t see them often. I struggle in my home churches, because I can never just be a “normal” member. I struggle in my friendships because no one understands my mix of cultures. I struggle in my devotion time because my life has an ever-changing schedule and few norms. I struggle to open up to others, because sooner than later I will say good-bye. I struggle to share the real me, because even I barely know me. I struggle to worship in one language or another. I am always missing one style or another. I struggle to fit in where ever I go. I struggle…
That is the heart of someone that lives in many cultures. We never fit in, but learn to try. We have friends that come and go and yet we always say good-bye. We want to love deeply but are afraid to do so because it will never last over continents and oceans. Some of us just give up and don’t even try.
The One and Only Constant in my life is My God. He is immutable, and knows all the cultures that make me who I am. He has never left me and He is the only One to whom I will never say a good-bye.
When the schedule lulls and the changes of jobs, location, and friendships occur. I find myself lonely and hurting for all those good-byes. But when the schedule is tight and there are people to meet and serve, there is no time for a pity party. Life just goes on and we set aside those ponderings for another time.
I struggle and yet I love the job, the lifestyle, the new cultures, and my friends on both sides. I praise the Lord for the opportunity to serve so uniquely. I thank Him for His stability in my life. I pray for His grace to make it through another struggle, day by day, moment by moment, until we meet face to face.